i'm a little bit shellfish

How pitiful is that? 

What is even worse than this picture is all the ones I had to go through to find it!

 He is so big now, my heart could crush! 

 He was so tee-tiny, and last night he counted to 10 on the phone. 

I should have waited until this afternoon, my day is now ruined!

The moral of the story is his onesie! It says, "I'm a little bit shellfish"

I bought these at the Gap for literally $.97 long before there was a dream of him. 

My sister had to take a picture of him wearing it and being a little bit shellfish :) 

He's life was almost as rough then as it is now. 

I am a little bit shellfish too. Okay, a lot. Maybe it's because I was the baby? Or maybe it's because Chase babies me. But my shellfishness (I just created that word) really only gets unleashed on him, bless his heart. Do you all ever feel like this? I truly care about others and their hearts and I extend so much effort and time doing things for them, and I feel like sometimes I think I just have Chase in the bag. He knows I love him, so I don't have to worry about leaving him cards, or picking him up surprises. Just the privilege of being my boyfriend it gift enough ;) (totally kidding!)

He understands that I am a spaz, so it's okay to have a full on psychotic break on him because his stuff at my apartment is everywhere? Not okay, the psychotic break was not about him or the clothes. It's okay to drag him to the 2nd Baby Gap for the 3rd time this week because he likes to shop for Deacon too, right? No, not okay. While he may like to shop for him, he would prefer I made my selections the first trip, when he told me at that store to get the orange gingham button up. Alas, here we are 3 days, and a store later pondering the same tiny button up. I don't understand where I get off on this train of thought. He is my safe place and one of, truly, the only people I can let it all go with, but I feel I often let it all go on him or at him. I should worry about guarding him and that relationship! 

He is so laid back and I am so wild that all too often my craziness wins by default because he truly doesn't care that much about what movie we see or that we frequent baby stores. He is so sweet that he does care about tiny articles of clothing, and shopping for my friend's birthday presents. He really doesn't mind to do what I want to do a lot of the time. And over the years, I have come accustomed to taking full on advantage of that.

He is a giver, and lately I am a full-on taker. 

Do you all feel like this sometimes? I guess in a relationship, you know (or pray to God!) that their love is unconditional so you feel safe to freak. I am trying to make a conscious effort to do more things he wants to do. Or just think about what he wants to do more in general, and stop suggesting things I want to do so much. So Sunday, we went hiking. Mmmhmm. He was happy as a little clam out there in the woods, and dirt, and spider webs. Just loving it. I was thinking about how dusty it was, or how this is not what I had planned for the day. But then I mentally popped myself in the mouth and had yet another revelation about my shellfishness. Taylor, stop it. You're a spoiled brat. Created by two parents who gave and still give you more than you more than you ever deserve or need, a sister who loves you like her own child, and a sweet-souled boyfriend. 

There was then mention we should get a kayak. Woah, woah, woah, do not push it my man! Then we went to eat Mexican, he's happy, I was then happy, not so bad? So then I was feeling really good about myself. Then last night he called to see if I wanted Orange Leaf, and without giving it a second thought, "No thanks, I don't need it!" One step forward, one step back. As soon as I got home, I had to have another talk with myself, "Taylor, that conversation can be broken down as: he wanted Orange Leaf, he knows you're not that crazy about it, he just wanted you to go with him." I apologized and told him that I wanted to go but it was too late :(

Admitting you have a problem is the first step, right? Tonight we might just have beer and pizza for dinner, and watch something terrible like baseball. It pains me to even type that! I will love it.